I am staring out the window even as I type.
Out there.. beyond the grey haze of morning glory that has given way to the pseudo-winter looking sky of this mild NY December… is the vast expanse of His children. A creation that can be traced all the way back.
Back to the beginning…
I am thinking about Esau these days. I think on him perhaps more than some. We grew up quoting scriptures such as “Jacob I loved and Esau I hated…” Context and content become a distant priority in light of twisting verses to guard our misguided beliefs and protect our fragile sense of broken identity.
How often does my thinking line up more with this seed of Abraham than the child of “promise”?
We are so quick to ridicule the one who forsook his birthright, but do we really take the time to note that it was a result of a brother who would not share a bowl of food to a starving sibling? What we fail to realize is that the nature of both sons was the same.
Sinful. Fallen. Darkened. Selfish.
We seek our own way. On the surface it may be in the form of despising our spiritual inheritance, despising what His word declares about His child. Or it may be in the form of trying to manipulate our Father, thinking if we reject and resent ourselves enough in the name of “humility” we will cull His favor.. His love.
Either way, we are searching for something we refuse to acknowledge Father has already given us.
We already have all His heart.
“When Esau heard his father’s words, he burst out with a loud and bitter cry and said to his father, “Bless me—me too, my father!”
We too beg and plead, looking for Father to say He loves us…looking for a confirmation… a blessing.
We get to choose how we will live. Will we exist in the bondage of a heart that stubbornly refuses to accept the goodness of His love? Will we contend with Him even as He is in the midst of us… inside us?
Consider this next time you enter into your worship with your Lord. Consider that all that love you pour out in tears and pain and longing is actually His heart.. His pain…His tears…
…at the thought His child is in reality begging for love… and calling that “worship.”
I look forward to meeting Esau one day. And I trust on that day we’ll exchange embraces. I shall look him deep in the eyes. I know my own will say “I am sorry.” Sorry it took me so long to learn from his own pain.. his suffering… his broken longing.
He is after all… a friend, is he not? Or even now, are our hearts still so hardened?
There can be no exchange of love.. no true friendship, where there is no agreement. It is time to go back. Go back to the beginning. Back to a time when you first felt the love of the One who died for you. Back when the realization of that love is what compelled you to accept Him as your own.
We already have all His heart. How much of ours does He really have?
“…I am your shield, and your exceeding great reward.”