(Introduction to : Understanding the Purpose Of Trials Part 2)
My breath is labored. The pit of my stomach a twisted knot. Straining to see the keyboard at work and straining to see His Love with the eyes of my heart. Brewing within my being, is a very familiar anvil-shaped cloud rising higher and higher.
I am dying…. yet not me, only that which I have already died to is passing away. He is setting me free. In order to live fully in Him, I must die to that which is dead to Him. It is within these very still, quiet moments of our deepest agony that one feels most alone. I think on Calvary at these times. As the looming section of crossed boards were dropped in a clap of dust at Jesus’ feet… I cannot help but feel comforted at knowing He dealt with immeasurably more than I.
I can feel my eyes scanning the souls of those around me when I am like this. “Do you see me?” My heart meekly whispers; barely enough energy to take a breath. I have learned by now though, that in the end, it is only my Savior and I… and thus it must be. How often the message of “taking up our cross” has been perverted and misconveyed. We only die to one thing… that which is already dead. Who else needs know my angst? Some butchering is simply best performed on the backside of the shed. Alone.
And so I have trained the windows of the soul to stop scanning the farthest reaches of the crowds when I feel myself standing at the gallows… my heart I make be still. I don’t allow it to call out. Deep isn’t always meant to call to deep… and at times we are permitted only to call to Him.
“If you cannot trust Me when your house is in the balance, how will you trust me if My house is in the balance?”
This is what the Lord spoke to my spirit this morning as I asked Him for some kingdom insight in regard to a pretty serious situation the Lord has orchestrated. I am, even now, in the middle of a rather unexpected trial that has the potential for both some intense and unpleasant results. Our two-family home actually lies in the balance.
Pretty cool, huh?
This year is a year of testing, probing and refining within our Dad’s house. We are being refined and purified. This is a season where the Lord, in His intense jealousy for us to experience what the cross has given us access to, namely His heart, is wicking away all aspects of the carnal-minded man from His children.
I knew refining was coming…. and this is the toughest, most intense series of events I have yet to face in my walk with the Lord. This is good. This means I am going deeper if I allow it. This means the “lesser” trials have worked their purpose.
Surprised? Did some of you think David Murry would be exempt from this further refining? I can tell you this: if I was exempt- I would beg for His righteous judgments all the more. They are love, They are truth. They release the kingdom power and set ablaze my spirit more and more with every single event. I enter deeper into…. Him.
This is the light Jesus speaks of. It is Him within us.
Our hearts… must always be blowing the shofar within the deepest recesses of our being… “Maranatha, Lord.” Make your abode in us fully. Have every single piece of us… that we may be one with you. Fully. Without reservation. Without fear. Perfect peace and perfect rest in Him alone.
And so the darkened areas of my heart.. those hidden caverns that I frequent from time to time long to be submitted to the Kingdom light and truth. Even from these hideous, decrepit corners of my mind.. from deep within these, I cry……. “Maranatha!”
None of His children can escape His love… it overtakes us with the ferocity of an oxygen starved backdraft. He is Fire. An all consuming one at that. That fire is love. I write this both as an opportunity to praise Him in the midst of my enemy, and more importantly, to me at least, to encourage all of you. You cannot out pace the wind. You can’t outrun a thunderstorm. You simply cannot outrun His love for you.
Let that which is meant to die, die, and that which is meant to spring forth.. spring forth. My breath is calm. My stomach no longer in spasms. My sight returns to me. I see… only Him now. My heart is steadfast, oh Lord… my heart is steadfast…
You can do this, Beloved Church. He has already prepared the way. He has already prepared you. He is with you always. Never turn back… you can do this. All you have to do…
“Thou fool, that which thou sowest is not brought to life, unless it dies first;” 1 Cor 15:36
Humbly, and by His love alone, I remain,